There are two absolutes in the world: none of the weight-loss shortcuts or secrets will ever work like you hope they will, and nothing your crazy uncle or your caps-lock grandma shares as a Facebook status is true.

So when those things intersect... well, a negative multiplied by a negative is a positive, right?

No. It's ultra-wrong.

That's the case with the recent story floating about the interwebs and social media venues, which indicated that farting actually led to weight loss.

Now, the first thing you'll notice about that post, which really gained steam around late November, is that it was posted in August 2012. Why would something that old be circulating now? Why would this be found--without any verification at all--exclusively in a Facebook post? Wouldn't something that crazy be all over the news? I mean, they spread a whole bunch of lies, so if it were actually true, they'd really be all over it, right?

Of course. But, for about a million reasons, it's not true. Leave it to Snopes to get to the bottom of things (and no, that wasn't intended as a pun and I pray you don't take it as one). Per their research from a website called Fat Loss School:

If you take a moment to think about this, the answer is rather obvious: none! When you fart, your muscles relax and the gas pressure in your bowels do all the work in expelling the gas. The only way you would achieve a measureable figure in the calories burned farting is if you really strained yourself to the limit.

Sorry for dashing you dreams, but don't put those beans down just yet. They're a good source of protein and they've very fibrous. So rather than farting out your weight, they'll just keep you full and you won't reach for that bag of Bugles or whatever.

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