It may be disgustingly hot outside right now (and for the foreseeable future) but fear not! There are cooler days ahead. Or extremely cold, snowy ones if you listen to the Farmer's Almanac.

Winter will be colder than normal, on average, with slightly above-normal precipitation and near-normal snowfall. The coldest periods will be in mid- and late December, mid- and late January, mid-February, and early March. The snowiest periods will be in mid-November, late January, mid- and late February, and early to mid-March.

According to the New York Post, the managing editor of the Farmer's Almanac says “We’re calling it the return of the old-fashioned winter. The ice-cold winter is back."

BOOM. Told you cold was coming. Okay, FINE, the idea that it will get progressively cooler as we approach winter isn't exactly a novel idea, but I'm just trying to make your life a little bit more optimistic! And not just cooler, colder than normal. So, yeah, we've got that rubberband thing going on. Hotter than normal right now, colder than normal then.

What I'm trying to say, basically, is that of course it's absurdly hot right now, but remember these days in the winter, as it gets so cold outside that you feel it in your bones and complain relentlessly about how you can't get warm. The Farmer's Almanac is giving you the advice to prepare now.

The iconic magazine has long been used as a predictor of future weather patterns, having been published since 1792. Obviously, before there were weathermen and women on television to tell you what to expect, you had to rely on something to figure out how the weather patterns would affect your life, especially if your livelihood relied on the weather.

The methodology it uses is hard to identify--impossible, in fact, despite the very hard research of many people seeking to verify what science is actually involved (and the very hard Googling I did of "farmer's almanac science how" or whatever idiotic thing I thought would drive me to the answer others have been unable to figure out for 200 years). They simply won't say how they predict the weather, which makes sense, because it's kind of their entire business. I mean, you wouldn't expect the Colonel to tell you the secret spices in his chicken recipe, or Coca-Cola execs to tell you what they do to flavor their beverage, or for Meghan Trainor to tell you how to write uncompromisingly awful, irritating music. Those are secrets of the trade. That's how these people make their money, after all!

The closest thing I found to a source for whether or not the Farmer's Almanac is accurate is this study, done by Penn State. Let me tell you, the meteorologist they feature, one Paul Knight of Penn State... Not a fan of the ol' Farmanac. That's what fans call the Farmer's Almanac. I actually just made it up and no one calls it that. Anyway, he's not impressed:

"They say from November 5 thru 10, for that whole period: sunny/cool. If one day is sunny and cool, does that count? Does every day have to be sunny and cool? If you held them to every single word for the entire area and every word for the entire period, then I say they might not even be right one third of the time. In fact, they might be right 10 percent of the time." Acknowledges Knight, "I don't think they're holding themselves to that degree of accuracy, and I don't think other people are either."

So the Almanac is full of it, huh? Hmm. Smells like a conspiracy being put forth by BIG WEATHER. I hear the Illuminati are big Sam Champion fans and that Al Roker is a possible member of the New World Order. I'll do some more Googling and see what I find for you.


Bonus Video