Squirrel Breaks Into Country Club, Gets Drunk

If you're a human being, you enjoy an afternoon drinking beer and eating potato chips. I'm pretty sure that's an actual fact of nature. What you might not know is that rodents love that, too. In fact, sometimes they break into a club, jump behind the bar, and start pouring themselves a cold one.

No, this is not a contrived plotline from this season of Bar Rescue, it's something that actually happened (it might also be a contrived plotline from this season of Bar Rescue; after that "porn-couch" episode, I'm fairly certain anything is fair game).

The floor was covered in beer and glasses and bottles smashed, Sam Boulter said.

Mr Boulter, 62, said he then saw a squirrel "staggering around" after coming out from behind a box of crisps.

"There were bottles scattered around, money scattered around and he had obviously run across the bar's pumps and managed to turn on the Caffrey's tap.

"He must have flung himself on the handle and drank some as he was staggering around all over the place and moving a bit slowly.

"I've never seen a drunk squirrel before. He was sozzled and looked a bit worse for wear, shall we say."

This squirrel seems pretty cool, but what a lightweight. A few sips of beer and he's wobbling around helplessly like a sailboat in a storm? What are you, like, 3lbs, man? ...Oh. In that case, sorry. I guess that makes sense.

I'm assuming the beer was a nut brown ale. Thanks, I'll see myself out.