First of all, I'd like to commend these guys on combining the two great aspects of our society that needed to be brought together.

How American society got through the 70s without a song that combined sex and candy, I will never know. but by the late 90s, it was high time those two be married and Marcy Playground stepped up to the plate.

I understand the approach to art that avoids being obvious and predictable, but I'd say it's pretty much false advertising to have a song called "Sex and Candy" and make a video that offers neither one of these things. You've got a silent agreement with the audience, guys. We want explicit scenes involving some Skittles. Maybe a Three Musketeers bar.

Instead, we've just got a dude's head in a hole.

Oh, and spiders! That dude seems to be way, way too comfortable with his head so vulnerable to spider attack.

There's a shoe falling from the ceiling at this point in the video, but I'm not concerned about that because I'm too busy thinking about how cool it is that the dude from Marcy Playground neither looks--nor sounds--like he has any interest in his own song whatsoever.

That's something we've lost along the way: the guy who doesn't care whether or not you like his band. We've got a lot of bands out there right now desperate to prove to you how seriously they take their music and themselves as musicians. You're in a band, dude. The beauty of your job is you don't have to care about anything. You get to make lists of all the booze and food you want the venue to provide EVERY NIGHT and other people are hired to clean up messes you make, both figuratively and literally. You are paid to not care.

Stop caring, everyone.

So now they're doing some interior decorating of this joint while this dude gets shoved to the ground by... someone?

Wait, what is going on? What.

Why is there liquid coming out of him? Which part of the song does that relate to? Is that candy melting? Or is that sex juice?

As you can tell from my use of the phrase "sex juice," I did really well in biology classes.

Well, I missed the entire concept of this video, but based on how little these dudes care about their actual song, I feel like they care even less about making a coherent statement with this video. I respect that so much.

Maybe there was a point, I was just distracted because that dude looks so much like Macaulay Culkin AKA Macaulay DA GAWD going through a half-assed goth phase that my mind wandered into a different place.

I made this MS Paint rendition of Macaulay DA GAWD with bad goth makeup for you when I was supposed to be working. You're welcome. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Anyway, this song owns and so does the fact that the guys in the band are so uninterested in it, and I don't really have anything else to say about it. Bye.