This High School Football News Broadcast is Insane [VIDEO]

You can't help but feel excited and somewhat confused by almost everything in this video, which just radiates awesome in every possible way.

Why is the reporter shrieking? Why does he repeatedly have a face like he's a bad infomercial pitchman that's amazed by the possibility of his own product? Why does that kid think he's the Ultimate Warrior? What's with grandma football and the beads?

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So many questions. So few answers. But what a wonderful adventure.