I have some words to say to you.

Believe it or not, I've never had a squirrel eat my pumpkin before. I've been around for a while, have carved pumpkins nearly my whole life, and have never had that experience. But now, for the first time in my 25 years of living, a squirrel ate my pumpkin.

I'm heartbroken, but I'm also angry. So here is my open letter to the squirrel that ate my pumpkin.

Dear Squirrel,

It's me. The person who lives in the apartment that has the trees in which you live. First things first, I'm not mad, I'm disappointed. You know what, I lied. I am mad. What did I ever do to deserve this? I was never mean to you, I always treated you nicely. I was the person who told the landlord that you were stuck in the woodchuck trap. And THIS is how you repay me?

You don't even know how much time I took carving that pumpkin. I took AN HOUR to complete my masterpiece. I had to put toothpicks in it to save my design because so much was carved out. Bet you didn't even realize you ate two toothpicks because you were too busy eating half of my jack-o-lantern's face.

That pumpkin didn't even make it two days before you decided to feast on it. You couldn't hold off until at least November 1? Really? There's plenty of nuts for you to eat still, I always see you carrying them.

I hope you remember this, and I hope you remember to not mess with my pumpkin again. Because you can bet that 2021's pumpkin will not be as kind to you as this one was.


A heartbroken pumpkin carver

The Great Jack o'Lantern Blaze in Croton