Santa Claus Runs for Mayor of North Pole, Alaska

It's that time of year: we're going to have to keep hearing from people running for public office at a nonstop clip for the next month. In fact, they're probably already blowing up your phone if you still own a house phone.

But what if that person calling your house was also someone who could bring all sorts of presents and magic to your door?

I mean, Santa is rad and all, and he seems like a pretty nice guy, but I don't know that I could vote for him. He has a lot of positive aspects that I would look for in a politician; he's generous, he takes care of people from all walks of life, his clothes are fly as heck.

But I just don't like the idea of people in elected office seeing me when I'm sleeping, knowing when I'm a wake, knowing if I've been bad or good, and having no shame about coming into my home through my chimney in the middle of winter.

Sorry, St. Nick.