Best Hudson Valley Tracks To Poop On
*Disclaimer: This is a satirical article. Please DO NOT actually poop at any of these Hudson Valley tracks. You will be arrested.
Since the alleged "mystery pooper" is from the Hudson Valley, he must have gotten some practice somewhere.
This week, we learned that a New Jersey man was arrested for allegedly pooping on a school's track on a daily basis. The school's coaches and resource officer kept discovering human feces near the track and football field.
They began surveillance of the area, and it resulted in the arrest of 42-year old Thomas Tramaglini, who attended John Jay High School.
Here's the kicker: Tramaglini is the school's superintendent making a salary of $147,504. He has since taken a leave of absence.
If you're the type of person who likes to poop in the wide open and feel the breeze with the chance of being seen and possibly getting arrested, here are some great tracks to try out.
Since the "mystery pooper" attended John Jay, we can only assume that it was the first track that he pooped on. From the looks of the track, privacy may be an issue, but hey, you gotta start somewhere.
If privacy is what you're looking for, this track has you covered. Pretty much in the middle of nowhere, it's highly unlikely anyone would even notice you back there. But keep that in mind if you happen to get attacked by an animal while dropping your deuce, because your screams may go unnoticed.
Ketcham High School has some good tree cover, I mean, who wants to poop in direct sunlight? I burn easily, so I need some shade in my life.
Now this track has cover on multiple sides, which should make you much more comfortable. It appears that there might be some loose gravel, that way you can cover up your dookie like a dog, you weirdo.
This one is for the pooper who wants everybody to see them. With houses all around, I see no way how you couldn't be seen. With all those houses, you might as well sell tickets to the event. I can see the flier now: "Doo Doo Brown in Po-Town."