I don't know why anyone asks me to be responsible for anything at all. I am--unintentionally, not maliciously--the least reliable person on planet earth when it comes to performing basic, menial tasks. I get my work done, I take things seriously, but when it comes to remembering to get errands done, knowing what day of the week it is, filling up my gas tank before it starts lighting up like a cigarette in an episode of Mad Men, that sort of thing evades my consciousness.

I have a lot going on in my brain. Baseball statistics, pointless and inconsequential bits of music trivia, quotes from Boy Meets World. I don't have the self-discipline and attention span to keep track of "important" stuff.

So perhaps it wasn't the greatest idea for Brandi to ask me to tend to her garden while she's on vacation, because I'll forget to do it and won't know what I'm doing anyway.

I pondered it and I think I came up with an effective solution to maximize output of gardening goods.