The other day, I was walking down the street, looking at a map of the Hudson Valley while eating an enormous bowl of candy. I should not have been doing these things at the same time, because I am not good at multitasking. As a result, I tripped on the sidewalk, and my bowl of candy flew everywhere. It was a nightmare! But then when I went to pick my map and check to see if my Kit Kat bars had broken into separate pieces (which would make them Kit Bars or Kat Bars, and that is unacceptable), I noticed something pretty crazy - All the candies that landed on my map were also perfect descriptions for the towns on the map. Don't believe me? Check it out:

1. A Tootsie Roll landed on Rhinebeck, which only makes too much sense. Rhinebeck is a small but beloved area in the Hudson Valley, just like a Tootsie Roll. Plus, Paul Rudd owns a candy shop in Rhinebeck, and he'd be my choice to play Dustin Hoffman's character in a remake of Tootsie. See, I've thought this through.

2. My Snickers Bar landed on Beacon, which is perfect, because Beacon satisfies. I can totally picture Beacon residents acting unlike themselves until they eat a Snickers, and they transform back from Gary Busey into a bearded hipster.

3. Swedish Fish are the most mellow candy. Everyone knows this. And the most mellow town in the Hudson Valley is of course Bethel, the site of the original Woodstock Festival and Hippie Capitol, USA.

4. My old roommate lives in Kingston, and he's tall, red and bumpy just like a Twizzler. I admit that's not a perfect metaphor, but I'm still a little dizzy from falling with a stomach full of candy, give me a break.

5. Finally, my Starburst landed on New Paltz, which is only too appropriate, because that artsy town is just BURSTING with STARS, am I right?

Anyway, it's clear that my scientific breakdown of candies and Hudson Valley towns could potentially be groundbreaking, so I'll be sending this off to some academic journals. See you on the cover of National Science Weekly: Candy Edition!