Which Hudson Valley Town Do You Want Destroyed by the 2032 Asteroid?

In the last week, the likelihood of Asteroid 2024 YR4 (dumb name) hitting Earth in 2032 has gone from 1.3% to 1.6%. Then, earlier this week, the number rose to 1.9%.

Now, this obviously isn’t a number to be afraid of… UNTIL NOW.

NASA has upped the probability to a whopping and inevitable 2.3% chance of striking Earth.

Now, this may seem dramatic, but if this probability keeps rising by half a percent or so every few days, by the time summer hits, we’re gonna be 100% goners—predicted by early July or so.

Anyway, since Earth is definitely going to be hit by this asteroid the size of the Statue of Liberty, and the Statue of Liberty is in the Empire State, that pretty much means New York is getting hit by this thing in 2032.

So where do you want it to land?

Sleepy Hollow (Pop. 10K)

Headless EVERYONE—am I right? Preferably in November, after they’ve made all their Halloween tourism money. We won’t even have to clean up The Great Jack O’Lantern Blaze—a daunting task that’ll be handled by 2024 YR4.

Saugerties (Pop. 20K)

Wanna see how dumb the pronunciation key is for Saugerties? “sɔːɡərtiːz”—literally, what the hell is that?

So, what would happen if Sugar Town got melted, and when would be the best time for impact?

Good question. When would be the best time for the asteroid to… HITS?

Equestrian Devastation.

City of Poughkeepsie (Pop. 33K)

Preferably, the Kennedy Fried Chicken parking lot.

You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

The Indians that run the place? Fantastic, friendly, and helpful.

The disgusting bums in the parking lot that ask for money WHILE you’re waiting for your food in the drive-thru?

Enough to hope for the apocalypse.

Look, the odds of this asteroid actually hitting us are still pretty low—but if it does, we might as well have some fun deciding where it should land.

Whether it’s wiping out headless horseman tourism, turning Sugar Town into a crater, or finally dealing with the Kennedy Fried Chicken parking lot situation, there’s no wrong choice here.

So, where are you voting for?

Maybe The Asteroid will hit one of these terrible Poughkeepsie Streets: