No, I Didn’t Rob Banks on My Vacation

Okay, sure, I was on vacation two weeks ago. And sure, that coincided with a bunch of bank robberies. And yes, some people think the suspect looks suspiciously like me. But it wasn't me, I swear!

While I was out of the country a few weeks ago--in the Great White North, in fact, enjoying the good times, delicious food, and incredible currency exchange rate advantages that Montreal has to offer--apparently, something of a crime spree was going on in the Hudson Valley. Little did I know that some of my coworkers seemed to be under the impression that the individual in a bunch of security footage photos released of a young man who was robbing banks had at least a passing resemblance to yours truly.

Coworker and friend Mark Bolger, the Hudson Valley icon and legend, decided that it was necessary to go through a side-by-side comparison:

Clearly, it was not me committing these crimes, as I was out of the country at the time and have documents to prove it. If need be, I can provide receipts from all of the bars and restaurants that I visited during that time period, although I would prefer not to lest I be judged for the percentage of my paycheck I spend on food and booze. I live like a medieval king whenever possible, with giant goblets of wine and turkey legs in my hands.

By the way... Anyone with information regarding the identity of the suspect is asked to call the New York State Police at (845) 677-7300. Please do, so my coworkers stop harassing me.