I'm a fan of movies. I love movies. I love good movies, I love bad movies, I love weird movies, and I like stupid movies. And one of my favorite things about movies is the hyper-seriousness with which people take them. Film criticism is great because it can really help you understand, appreciate, and enjoy films in a way you might not otherwise; maybe you'll learn about a certain filmmaking technique or develop a perspective on the story you might not otherwise have noticed.

But, more importantly, film criticism is great because when a movie is bad, it becomes an arms race between critics to see who can eviscerate the bad movie the worst. In this case? The already-disappointing Fantastic Four reboot. Let's take a look at some of the best bad reviews of this thing, courtesy of aggregator Rotten Tomatoes:

"Ms. Mara disappears. Her character also has the power to make other things vanish. I would say she should have exercised it on this movie, but in a week or two that should take care of itself." - A.O. Scott, New York Times

"The entire experience is shameful -- for us, for the filmmakers, for whoever at the studio had the job of creating the ads, in which the cast appear to be starring in hostage posters." - Wesley Morris, Grantland

"FF is bland, joyless, lifeless, claustrophobic, and created by a bunch of idiots who had zero interest in making a Super Hero film much less the Fantastic Four. The entire affair looks lazy and cheap." - Michelle Alexandria, Eclipse Magazine

"Fantastic Four feels like a 100-minute trailer for a movie that never happens." - Todd McCarthy, Hollywood Reporter

"We get endless scenes of Teller being personable, Jordan being passionate and a raccoon-eyed Kate Mara having no chemistry with anybody." - Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger

"The latest reboot of the Fantastic Four - the cinematic equivalent of malware - is worse than worthless. It not only scrapes the bottom of the barrel; it knocks out the floor and sucks audiences into a black hole of soul-crushing, coma-inducing dullness." - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

"There is so much wrong with the new Fantastic Four that writing about it feels more like an autopsy than a review." Rob Hunter, Film School Rejects

"Finally, a superhero movie without action, character development or a plot." - William Bibbiani, CraveOnline

"It's shockingly humorless and glacially slow for a film featuring a bendy boy genius, an invisible woman, a human torch, and a talking pile of stones." - AA Dowd, AV Club

"The only fantastic thing about Fantastic Four is how much blandness it manages to pack into 100 minutes." - Rebecca Pahle, Film Journal International

"Counting Roger Corman's unreleased stab, this is the fourth Fantastic Four movie. It's also the fourth whose producers seem embarrassed at the thought of making a Fantastic Four movie." - Alan Scherstuhl, Village Voice

"An outstretched, moronic, drama-less time-suck that somehow manages to be less fun than Pixels, which was only slightly more enjoyable than slamming a door on your face." - Matt Pais, RedEye

"It's an amazing feat to have produced a movie where every decision made seems to be the wrong one." - Matt Looker, TheShiznit.co.uk

And, finally...
"This is a bad movie." - Liam Maguren, Flicks.co.nz