Your Cereal Has Been Lying to You

It's early morning. You pour out your cereal and coat it with the appropriate level of milk. Look at those delicious loops of froot just waiting for you. Beckoning you. Begging you to taste their wide array of colors and fla--wait, what? They're all the same flavor?!

Oh yes. You thought each color was a different flavor? You're wrong, friend. We're all wrong.

Are you devastated? Well, I guess while you're down, I'll kick you with another painful cereal truth: Cap'n Crunch is a liar, too: according to his uniform, he's a commander, not a captain at all.

So what does that mean for ol' cap? Well, it means he's committing military fraud and, according to UCMJ Article 134, Impersonating a commissioned, noncommissioned, Warrant, or Petty Officer:

Maximum punishment. Impersonating a commissioned, warrant, noncommissioned, or petty officer, or an agent or official.

(1) With intent to defraud. Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 3 years.

(2) All other cases. Bad-conduct discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 6 months.